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June 22, 2011

About Last Night ~ Social Media Manners and the Bully ~

 

I have been hosting the Social Media Manners chat for over one and a half years, and have enjoyed every single moment of building a community of people who value positive interactions on social media.

About Last Night…

Last night our guest for our live chat was Klout.  As most of us know, Klout has become the industry standard for online influence measurement.  Most of us value our ability to use social media effectively and we tend to take such measurements seriously.

Typically in the chats that I host, I value that the hour is not about my guest, or me but about the community.  The hour is about you, the individuals who allowed our community to become “US”.   For most chats, I will come up with a list of questions for my guest, and encourage your questions throughout the chat as well.  This allows you to engage and be heard.

Given the recent changes Klout has made, I knew I needed a plan to avoid confusion and to produce an hour where all concerns and questions could be addressed.   I asked for questions in advance and heard from many of you and was able to compile a list of questions that covered your concerns.

My goal was to avoid having our guest being inundated with hundreds of replicated questions. I announced our new format for the night many times prior to and during the chat.

Most of you followed the plan and I appreciate it.  In doing so you showed great respect to our guest and our community.  Respect in all relationships is key and a very core component to online success.

About Last Night…

Often, when boundaries are set and new rules are instituted, there are idivdiduals who will resist change, dismiss the boundaries and take it personally if they are asked to do modify their behavior.  As in all cases, this is about the person resisting change, not the actual changes being made.  When one is immature, reactions are often misplaced and amplified.   Just as the child who is given a cookie each day and then suddenly given carrots… what happens?  Think about it.  One word.  Tantrum.

Tantrum.  During our chat last night, we had a member of our community do just that.  I was shocked and dismayed, as this member of our community is one whom I have engaged with and connected others to.

What occurred was this; in attempts to gently send a reminder to stay on course with our format during our chat, I simply sent this tweet….

”Shhhhhh, hold your questions until the end. xo”

In return, this individual created a blog post.  In reviewing timelines, one can easily see the intent was clear.  The objective was to write the post and deliver it to our stream before our chat was over.   The post was titled….

“I was Thrown out of a Twitter Chat”

In reading my message again, I am not clear as to how my words could be interpreted as “Throwing someone out of a twitter chat”.  I was simply sending a reminder to hold questions until the end of our chat. In this case specifically, I knew that the questions being posed to our guest were on my list and I wanted to allow our guest to continue with her amazing content without disruption.

Let me be clear.  I at no time asked anyone to leave our chat and in no way felt it wrong to ask a member of our community to respect the format for our planned event which I prepared and moderated.

To leave our chat to write a post to defame my brand and our community was a breech of the very core values of which I speak to.  Such actions showed an ultimate act of disrespect, and I view such as an example of extreme immaturity and very poor Social Media Manners.

To act out of anger with intent to humiliate and diminish my professional standard, and then laugh and take joy in the fact that many of us were offended was disrespectful beyond measure.  To outwardly lie in a public blog post and say one was “thrown out of a chat” coupled with further untrue accusations was legally and ethically wrong.

About Last Night…

To the members of our Social Media Manners community, I thank you for your support and your defense of the words posted in the blog discussed and disrespectful tweets.   I appreciate that many of you are choosing not to respond to this person’s mentions or read the post as in doing so, we will continue to give this bully type behavior the intended results of increased web traffic.  In fact, in giving mention to such a person on twitter, regardless of the reason, we learned that our high Klout scores will in fact, give this person a score increase.

As I have stated many times ~ to bully another person on or off line is unacceptable.  However, we are only able to control our REactions to another’s actions.   I do believe in accountability however and feel strongly that one should not be allowed to simply post non-truths as a result of hurt feelings, grudges and tantrums.   Often accountability comes in many forms.  Legal, Social and yes…even Karma.  Time will tell as to what form accountability takes in this situation.

About Last Night…

Beyond the dissidence of last night, I learned much.  I learned I was valued.  I learned I was respected.  I learned what really matters is that in coming together each week as a community; we have formed a family and partnership making millions of impression in regard to Social Media Manners each week.

Let’s continue to focus on the amazing things we share and learn together.  Together, we have built an amazing community and surrounded ourselves with leaders in our industry and relationships we respect.

Let’s release the bully.  As in the playground of our childhood, when the bully is ignored…he will simply stomp off and target another group.

Goodbye Bully….  You don’t live here anymore.

 

 

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Oh dear.
I don't know about you, but I'm pretty busy.
I could use some help on my 5 pg, 3 column 9 pt font todo list.
I would enlist someone who might have some extra time.
But I don't think it would be a fit.
xoxo
And yes Dabney - you are a class act.
Period.

As far as I know, no one can be "thrown" out of a twitter chat. This is not the old style internet chat rooms where moderators could block/ban you and/or delete your comments. If there is a way to do that, I would like to know ;-)

The blog post title was clearly inflammatory - designed to attract hits by sensationalizing - the mainstream media does this all the time - also called 'linkbait'. So, the blogger clearly knew what they were doing. Two minutes of fame? Yes. Good career move? Time will tell :-) Good luck!

I tweeted later "When you mess with someone's livelihood, people don't take kindly to it. #justsaying #SMmanners" and "If you don't know the rules of play, get educated. Don't disrupt a game in progress, just because you are on the playground. #justsaying"

And yes, if my labeling the blogger as a "troll" offended you, I apologize. Maybe I pulled the trigger too soon on that. Enough said. Moving on.

My view is that the gentleman overreacted, and with the benefit of the doubt, perhaps inadvertently (althogh he blogged that his tweet was "snarky, typical of my usual sarcastic tone.") And as often happens, the episode snowballed. In any event, Dabney's reputation as a fair and courteous hostess and the #smmanners community as a supportive and engaging group, is well-known. Anyone, including the gentleman, that would like to particpate in a fun, fast paced and informative discussion with wonderful folks, is welcome to see for themselves, #smmanners every Tuesday at 11pm ET.

I'm kinda brain dead here after working all day so my thoughts are going to be bullet point style:)

1I have never been treated with anything but the highest level of courtesy by Dabney Porte

2.The members of Dabney's various twitter chat communities are the nicest bunch of folks on twitter,I've formed many a lovely friendship via Dabney's parties.

3.#SMmanners chat attracts guest speakers of high stature precisely because of the chat structure Dabney
puts together. Busy,important people come & give us info we can use due to this.

4. Text based communications are great but they are an imperfect medium, not being able to see facial expressions, hear tone of voice means at times that we will fail to communicate.

5. The disgruntled party guest has interacted with Dabney before, obviously valuing her chats enough
to return again, IMHO the unhappy guest should have sent Dabney a DM or even better waited to chat with her after the party to clear up this matter,she should have been given the benefit of the doubt
based on prior experiences with her.

6. The speed with which disgruntled guest had his negative blog post up and posted in the party stream
was frankly shocking & struck me quite honestly as pure link bait, somebody looking to grab some quick traffic & hopefully a follower or 3 via attempting to embarrass Dabney.

oh and I'm the person who made the comment about the disgruntled guest's blog post being "back button fodder" & I stand by my remark, if you want friends you must first be one & I think that however upset
you might have felt,the way Dabney was treated was dead up lousy.

I hesitate to take your comment and will do so only by leaving your contact information off as I will not promote you via my following.

What I hear you saying is that you felt singled out. I am very sorry that you felt that way. I have created a community to help others avoid exactly the type of mistakes you are making on social media. I do so out of my passion for helping others by establishing and moderating one of the largest chats on Twitter. The stream moves very quickly and thousands of tweets are sent out. I in fact, did say to others to hold their questions and suggest you review my timeline further.

I am saddened if you sincerely felt that I was rude to you or went out of my way to insult you. However, regardless of how you felt, you had absolutely no right to put in a public post that you were thrown out of a chat I moderate, thereby calling my integrity into play. Your behavior and actions were immature and impulsive and certainly not ones I wish to be engaged with.

I treat all with great respect, including you. My comment to you was not rude or isolated. Given our level of past engagement, I believe you know that to be true. Why you chose to leave the chat to create a post telling others your goal was to release it before the event I was hosting ended, is a question you should ask yourself. Attention seeking? Attempt to produce the traffic you know with glee speak to? Attempt to increase your twitter mentions in hopes of an increased klout score? These are the reasons many believe you did what you did. Do I believe that? Not necessarily. I believe you are young, impulsive and have much to learn about yourself, world, relationships and in this case specifically, social media. I also believe you must learn that you are accountable to your actions. Always.

Many professional individuals with credible reputations are concerned with what you did. Your lashing out to the community was one that crossed over every single value I stand for. Taking your feelings, and opinions mixing them with your non truths will only damage your credibility, not mine.

I speak to women each day that to empower themselves is critical. To step into ones magnificence is vital to success. I am leading by example by showing all that I will not be lied about, or spoken of in the manner you have done without recourse. At this point, I will also disengage with you. The toxic energy you have put into our community and into my life is energy I do not wish to surround myself.

I will with respect, end this conversation at this point and wish you well.

Hi Dabney,

I'd like to make a quick observation about the disagreement that happened in the sm manners twitter chat last night- and I say this respectfully, to both you and the other person involved. While I know there are two versions of the events, I do disagree with you on one point; Adam is not a bully nor did he throw a tantrum. I know him both personally and on twitter, and we've also worked together. He's not a troll, and I've read the conversation from last night and the many tweets from others in the chat. He has the right to write a blog post stating his point of view and opinion, as do you (and you have done here). There is no reason to threaten a student and participant in your chat with a lawyer, when he was only there trying to learn from you and your guest. I do think that many of the comments that Adam received via twitter (making fun of his hair, name-calling, etc.) could be construed as bullying or attacks than anything he said.

I hope both parties can learn from this and exhibit better sm manners in the future. Again, this comment is meant respectfully and to express my personal opinion (one of the great things about blogging and social media, everyone has a voice!)

Have a great day!

Hi Alyssa and thanks for stopping in.

I appreciate your comment and disagree with you as well. I have not mentioned names and I will continue not to do so. This person we both know does not appear to typically act in such a manner as he did last night. I was taken aback with his immature actions. Very. There are not two sides to this story however....not to the facts.

Fact: I reminded him to hold his questions until the end of the chat.
I did this nicely and in no way was rude.

Fact: A post was written stating that he was thrown of of my chat.
Not so. Not so at all. To misrepresent me, my chat and my brand is unacceptable.

If feelings were hurt because I (in a very nice manner) reminded him of the process, that was not my intent of course. In fact he tweeted that the community shut him down, to which I nicely responded that we had not, that I was asking all to hold questions until the end of the chat.

Fact: A Bully intimidates and humiliates his victims.
Although I am neither intimidated nor am I humiliated, his gestures were done in a manner to cause such. To react in the manner he did was in fact bully like. Very much so. To encourage readers to visit his post where he has publicly lied about what occurred is very much like the actions of a bully.

This behavior appears to be attention seeking, unethical and beyond disrespectful. I do not take this lightly. I agree with you that name calling is unacceptable and I do not condone or engage in such behavior. When a community is attacked, behavior often ignites inappropriate reactions. I ,myself however, have not lashed out with name calling of any manner.

I stand by my opinion that the behavior was unacceptable. I stand by my statement that the actions are in fact bully like.

I also greatly respect that you have taken the time to voice your concerns and opinions. It is important to remember always, that when one shows a character trait that you have never seen before, such in this case....it is one that has always been there. I have learned to believe it when someone shows me who they really are.

Unlike the post you are referring to, I did not write it to attack or ignite anyone. I simply wished to respond to the many questions and concerns of my community. They are deserving of such.

xoxo
Dabney

I was wondering how someone gets "thrown out" of a chat...really, you either participate or not no matter who says what. Someone wasn't getting immediate gratification and if he would have waited, you asked his question with the pre sent set.

He was not thrown out of the chat but chose to leave as he was asked to follow the guidelines set forth. Thanks for your stopping by! xoxo

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