It’s Time to Divorce Like a Diva!
On the day that my husband of 15 years moved out of our home, I sat in my friend’s whirlpool tub … jets soothing my body … glass of wine in hand (it was 9:30 in the morning but it was five o’clock somewhere). My good friend had come to my house and taken me to hers and “cared” for me. She did this so I wouldn’t be home when “he” packed his things. As I sat there with the bubbles swirling around me, I saw a plaque on her wall. It said, “Pull on your big girl panties and deal with it.” I knew at that moment that I had found my mantra. That is what I would do. I would find my power, I would not get bitter, I would get better. I would in fact, I told myself, Divorce like a Diva!
I made it through the day … I had been preparing for it for years. You heard me … I said years. Mr. Ex and I had been in therapy during those years and remained in therapy for months after he moved out. Our goal: To have a healthy divorce. So, I was prepared — I was ready — and we made the choice together.
Years later, I find myself staring at that same plaque that now rests on my desk. Each day, I am inspired by the words. Each day, I am thankful that my family, by choice and hard work is experiencing a healthy divorce.
More importantly, I now find myself in the role of being a successful life coach to other women who are now navigating their own journey of divorce. I am on a mission to “Change the world one Diva at a time.”
What does that really mean? Let me share my definition of the word Diva, as I use it in all of my work. I define a Diva as a strong and fabulous woman who believes in herself, her strengths and her talents. She knows what she wants and goes after her dreams with integrity. She is loving, compassionate and supports and encourages healthy relationships. A true diva is open to healing, growing and defining her life on her own terms.
I am passionate about helping women just like you, find their power and walk out of the role where they play victim to their divorce and into their own magnificence. You see, we all have a choice when faced with difficult situations. We make the choice to get bitter or get better. It is choice you must make. It is really that simple.
In my work, I often see adults who continue to experience the trauma of their parent’s divorce. I have come to realize that is not only the divorce that causes trauma, which affects children into adulthood. Yet, it is the way we as parents handle the divorce, and our reactions to it, which matter most. It is this pain that adult children of divorce still experience into adulthood. The continued trauma is in reaction to parents who were unable to handle their loss and turned it into anger, rage and depression. Of course, all of these factors significantly affect children and their development in childhood and often into their adult years.
Divorce will impact our children, that is certain. If we are careful — aware of our grief, our pain, the anger — and chose to address our issues and take responsibility for our emotional health, divorce will have a far less impact.
In both my group coaching course and my private coaching practice, I tell my clients they have Diva Wings… they have the ability to soar. It is by letting go of the past that they will be successful. By letting go of the pain and the anger, a person will make room for feelings of happiness and joy. It will be difficult work, and this is where the big girl panties are necessary. PULL THEM UP! Take your power back. It is important for you and your children.
So it is again the words on the plaque that I look at on my desk that draw me in. The plaque that my friend gave me on that painful day several years ago, as I sat in the tub, bubbles swirling around me. At that moment, I knew how I would handle my divorce and now I want you to know how you can handle yours.
Put on your Big Girl Panties and Deal with It!
Go! Divas! Go!
xoxo
Dabney
