Parenting Skills | Diva Coach Dabney

August 12, 2010

Do What you say…and your children will do as you do!

Filed under: Diva Speaks,Parenting — Tags: diva tips, oprah, parent, parent role model, Parenting Skills, role model, talk show, video blog — Dabney @ 2:00 pm

Hello my fabulous friends!

This will be the last time I will share Diva Tips with you on our Diva Speaks blog. Going forward, if you would like to receive Diva Tips and News please sign in by using the opt in box on the right. You will then receive my fabulous newsletter directly in your mailbox two times per month! In the upcoming weeks I will be sharing some exciting information with you and ramping up our Diva work. I am beyond jazzed about finding my love of video as a way of staying in touch with you all. In my post below…you will hear how that happened. It was life changing for me. The end result is I did something I was not comfortable with and fell in love with the process. So, you will be hearing and seeing much more of me in future posts and newsletters. Enjoy this edition of Diva Tips and please leave comments below. I just love hearing your thoughts…your experiences…your lessons learned. I look forward to starting some fabulous conversations here…it is our very own special place to connect! xoxo

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Diva Tip

Do as you say…and your children will do as you do

Did you hear that Oprah called? Well….she didn’t call me. For those of you who may have missed it, Oprah held a contest for people who wanted to “win” their own talk show. I entered the contest and was touched and amazed at the support I received and the number of people who voted for me. Unfortunately, I did not place in the top three…and Oprah will not be calling. Not yet anyway! But, the experience taught a valuable lesson worth far more than winning an Oprah contest. If you missed it, here it is.

I wanted to take the time to thank all of you who supported me and took the time to watch and vote on my video. More importantly, I wanted to share the entire “behind the scenes” story with you, and a very big lesson I have learned.

Like many women who share my passion of helping others, I have always admired and wished to emulate Oprah. It is my secret dream to have my own show and take my message to a larger platform. The truth is, I know I can do it…and I know I can do it well. So, when the contest became available I spoke about making the entry video for several weeks. Yet, I never took action. Then one day, the little diva asked me when I was going to make the video. I answered honestly, telling her I have a fear of really putting myself out there…fear of the camera…fear of the judging…fear of losing.

And this is what my little diva told me…and I quote, “But mommy…you tell your clients all of the time that they need to step out of their fear and into their greatness…you need to do the same thing. You have always wanted to be on Oprah, and now you can get your own show. You must do it”.

Wow…can you say wow?

So there I was….wishing to emulate Oprah. And, there was the little diva…emulating me and what I teach every single day. I was called out by her… I was not doing what I say…and I was asking everyone around me, including my children, to do as I say…not as I do.

What choice did I have now? I took action. The little diva was my film crew, my makeup artist and my director. The entire video was her production. With two days left until the deadline and because my daughter had taught me a very big lesson, I made a video, uploaded it and entered the contest. Many people who entered the contest had elaborate videos….and then there was mine…simply produced with love by my eleven year old daughter. I could not be more proud. My mantra? Go ahead judge me…I am fabulous.

So what was the lesson learned? It is this….Do as you say and your children will learn to do what you do.

As a parent, I can tell you that I was amazed that my daughter was listening and learning from me when I was not looking. It is during the everyday moments of life that our children can learn the most. They are watching and listening to our every word and action. I have spoken of this for years while working with parents. It was not until this experience that I fully came to appreciate the value of this lesson.

So I ask you…do your children emulate you? Do you like what you see? If not, take a closer look at your actions and words….and remember, we are our children’s best educators. Lead by example and don’t ask them to only do as you say…help them to see that what you say is really what you do.

Remember….we are all role models to our children, our friends, our peers and the world. We must not only talk the talk…but we must put on our most fabulous shoes and walk the walk!

Go! Divas! Go!

xoxo

Dabney

Diva Coach Dabney

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March 17, 2010

Catch Them Being Good!

Filed under: Diva Speaks — Tags: Parenting, Parenting Skills, Teens — admin @ 6:09 pm

Hello my fabulous Divas!

I wanted to share a success story with you today. I have been coaching a new client for only two sessions and she and I are beyond thrilled with her success as a parent.

Last week, during our initial session, we discussed the issues she is facing with her thirteen old son. I will start by saying…he is your average teenage boy….smart, funny, witty, emotional…and most importantly, he is testing all boundaries. If you have a teenager, I am certain you are shaking your head…and letting out an oh so very deep sigh. Trust me, I get it…I have one too!

As with most of parents…we get tired…overwhelmed and focused on addressing issues that are happening in the moment. The problem with that, especially when it comes to parenting, is we often forget to catch our children being good. In the case of teenagers, these moments of goodness sometime seem to be rare, so it is even more important to notice and praise positive behavior.

So…in coaching my client, we discussed the importance of catching her son in these moments of good behavior. Because she had become so “stuck in the rut” of arguing, yelling, and overall negative parenting, it was the only real attention her son was receiving from her. It seemed important that she reconnect with her son so that she could see when such moments occurred.

In our goal-setting, I gave her a very simple task. She and her son would sit for 15 minutes every day. I coached her on the importance of telling her son that this time was not negotiable, he must meet with her. More importantly, she was to tell him that the time was for them to reconnect, because she misses him. We discussed the importance of telling her son, that the time was his…that she wanted to be able to sit with him and have a chance to tell him every day about how proud she is of him and his accomplishments during the day (or in the past, if the day was rough). It was to be described as a very positive time for their relationship. I suggested she tell her son that it was their relationship that she was missing, and she wanted to improve that because she loved him.

During our second coaching session, my client was thrilled. She and her son had engaged in four evenings of “meetings”. She was amazed at the change in her son’s behavior…and in her own. I was able to speak to her son as he got on the line to thank me for helping them. Wow.

Simply by catching the child being good…giving some positive praise…and time…he was thankful, and his mother was on a better journey of parenting. More importantly, the child was receiving much needed affirmation of his goodness, and enhancing his self-esteem…a critical need in adolescent development.

So often, we get caught up in our busy lives…that we must remember to slow down…make the time for ourselves and our family…and look at everything in a more positive light. In just 15 minutes a day…the journey of this mother-child relationship changed by putting positive thinking into action.

Do you take the time to catch your child in moments of success and good behavior? Think about…act on it…and please, let me know how it changes your relationship with your child!

Go! Divas! Go!
xoxo
Dabney

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