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March 2, 2011

The Lessons Learned when Falling in Love with What you Do

Hello my Fabulous Friends!

I love to learn new things about myself and tend to think deeply after experiencing success or disappointment of any kind.

Yesterday, I had the most amazing experience speaking to a class of Social Media students at Syracuse University.  I had so much fun and was beyond inspired by such an amazing group of our younger generation.  As I spoke to them via Skype, I could see them all and in that moment, I knew one thing for sure…I was looking at our future and our successful leaders of tomorrow.

I was impressed with the magnitude of learning that is taking place on such an important topic within the walls of Syracuse University.  However, what I found truly remarkable was the learning that was taking beyond those walls and into the world of Social Media.

Educating are children and youth on Social Media as Syracuse University does, should be looked upon as a model for all our school systems and Universities.  Instruction is critical for our children and youth and it is critical within your world as well.  If you run a business, it is vital to your success, and if you are a parent, it is your responsibility to educate yourself so you may guide your child appropriately.

Many individuals and business owners are struggling to learn Social Media organically via trial and error.  When it comes to Social Media and all things related to online success most adults tell me they feel like the world is spinning and they choose to ignore online communities and tools completely.

The world is moving quickly and many of you are feeling stressed.  I am not and I will tell you why.  I have embraced the changes.  It is my mantra…remember?  We can get bitter or better.  What is it going to be?  When I was uncertain, I hired a coach and learned the process. I took responsibility and spent hours upon hours reading articles and researching tools, and I still do.  I empowered myself with knowing the how and the why of online communities and social marketing.  I embraced the new, the unknown and the opportunity to bring my business further success.  I owned it.

Empowering yourself with knowledge, during anytime of uncertainty allows you to look into the face of fear and say, “Back off, I embrace my power”.

By claiming my power, I found success.  Through Social Media alone,  I monetized my Coaching business for one year with only a Facebook personal profile page and a twitter account.  For that first year, I had no website and no advertising.  Every single client found me on Facebook, personal page, not a business or fan page.  I took Facebook from Scrabble to a monetized business because I took inspired action and did not let my fears hold me back.  It is that simple. Social Media is not a trend, but an amazing marketing process available for free that works if done well and correctly.

I have evolved into a Social Media success and a leader in my industry.  Many influence scores will show statistics and measures of “proof” that I am successful.  I am now consulting for small and large business and many people look to me for answers within Social Media communities.

However, how I really “owned”  and knew for certain that I had found success and have the ability to educate and lead others, is when I realized that I am having so much FUN doing what I LOVE.  That is how I measure success.  I claimed that true success feeling yesterday when I fell in love with speaking to a group of college students.  I will be forever grateful to my “Cuse” friends for allowing me to feel the true “Fun” in what I am doing in regard to my Social Media work.

Outside of my personal relationships and family,  my first love is the work I do to empower women and watching them claim their magnificence.  I will always be in deep love with my Diva work and will never give it up.   In my Social Media Business, I find that I continue to use the many “Diva Tools” that I toss into my coaching services provided to my Diva Clients.  In both lines of  work,  the focus is learning how to build and maintain successful relationships and to believe in what you do and who you are.

Remember, if you do not love who you are or what you do, you will not be able to build a brand, a business, a family or life. So take a nice Diva Scrub, wash away the toxic belief of others and release all who do not support, encourage and believe in you.  Toss on your Diva Dust to help you sparkle and soar.  I give you my Diva Promise…if you take my advice and follow my lead, you will be slipping into some very fabulous shoes and prepared to walk into your magnificence!

Go! Divas! Go!

xoxo

Dabney

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September 9, 2010

Finding Yummy

Hello my fabulous friends!

What does the word yummy mean to you?  To me, it conjures up images of things that I love…things that bring wonder into my world.  To me…the word yummy defines all that makes me happy.  How do you define yummy in your life?

Now that you have defined what Yummy is in your own terms…let me ask you this…Do you attract Yummy into your life?  I would like to help you learn how.

Attracting things that you want into your life is known to most of us as the Law of Attraction or LOA.  This theory basically tells us that we are in control of what we attract or manifest both good and bad, into our life.  Basically, we receive into our life what we focus on and we will attract into our life people who are where we are.  Think of it this way…like attracts like.

Whenever I think about this concept, I am taken back to the first summer following my separation from Mr. Ex.  I was vacationing at a lake house with family and friends and it was a difficult time for my children and me.  If you have ever endured a loss, you know the feeling…emotionally raw.  That is where I was.  I felt lost and vulnerable.  I was questioning other relationships in my life and wondering how I could connect with people who were strong, motivated, healthy and happy.   What I didn’t know was that I was on the edge of re-defining myself.  A major shift was about to occur in my life…and this shift started to occur as I curled up in a hammock under a big shade tree overlooking the lake.  It all started as soon as I opened the pages of the book, “The Secret” and was introduced to the principles of The Law of Attraction.

It is hard to imagine that who I am today is the same person who felt so lost in that moment.  It is even harder to believe that in reading one little book, my mindset and life changed.  I had learned an invaluable lesson on that day while curled in the hammock.  I had learned that it was up to me to attract what I wanted in my life. I was the gatekeeper to my own manifestation of happiness.  Yummy was on the other side of those gates and I had learned that all I needed to do was swing the gates open and let Yummy in.  Simple…right?

I wish.  Although I learned the concepts…my complete road to Yummy did take some time.  For me, it took more reading and understanding.  You see, I am the girl who reads everything and I often feel the need to over-educate myself in order to really own in my mind that something is of value.  In this mode of obsessive education, I stumbled on an article that hooked me completely.  It increased my understanding of how The Law of Attraction actually works.  I began to value the theory at this point.  Stick with me on this, because if you are questioning this theory…you too, may benefit from what I learned.

Have you ever been in a room full of people talking?  Perhaps a meeting at work or a room full of mothers?  Everyone is talking and the noise in the room is extreme.  Then, you hear a voice call out softly…“mommy”.  Most mothers will turn their heads at once to that word.  We have all done it.  Although the room is full of other words being said…the one word you turn your head to is “mommy”.  The reason we turn our attention so readily in this situation, is a direct result of the tiny control center in our brain called the reticular activating system (RAS).  This part of our brain filters out all incoming information and tags what we have trained it to know as important.  Without getting into the depths of scientific detail…it is interesting to know, that we are in charge of our filtering system or our RAS.  Think about it.  Whenever we focus on something, we then begin to notice that “something” more and more in our lives.  When you buy a new car…one that you have never noticed before, don’t you begin to notice that car is suddenly everywhere?  When you start dreaming of and focusing on how much you want something, don’t you start noticing that everyone has it?   This, my friends, is the Law of Attraction.  When you give attention and focus to something, you actually trigger that tiny part of your brain to tag what you want or value.  So, it is not magical…you do not automatically receive things because you want them.  You simply begin to notice that what you want may already right in front of you.  You also begin to take note of what you want in your life that is not yet available to you.

Taking this one step further, it is important to remember that in regard to relationships, we are also in control of the people we attract into our lives.  Remember my description of myself earlier?  I was in a place where I was feeling bad, vulnerable and insecure.  Because of where I was emotionally in my life, I was attracting those types of relationships into my world.  Again, it is simple…Like attracts like.  It is only when you become healthy and happy that you will begin to attract healthy and happy…and very rewarding relationships into your life.  Keep that in mind always.  Think about where you are and who you are attracting into your world.  If you need to do some work on you, in order for you to be emotionally healthy happy do so.  Take action, while remembering your life is a result of the choices you make.

There are many ways that you can begin to activate your own filtering system or RAS which will help you to re-set/re-train your thought patterns and awareness.  I will share some tools below that you will help you to become more aware of what you want and desire.  These tools will help to you discover and attract what is not in your world yet.  The most important thing to keep in mind while engaging in these activities is that you must begin to focus and pay attention on the feelings you have in regard to what you would like to create in your world.  Your yummy may be right in front of you…you just need to apply focus to find it!

  • Vision Boards- A simple and very effective tool.   You simply place pictures of what you love on a piece of poster board.  The key is to take time to really focus on your Vision Board and the energy flow you receive from the objects on it.  Do this often and you will see results!
  • Journaling- Take time to journal about things you love daily.  What inspires you?  What do you dream of?  As with the vision board, you must really focus on the energy you feel when you are detailing what you want to create and receive into your world.  I often tell my clients to take time each day to read past entries.  Remember…you are retraining your brain to take notice of what you find important.  Recapturing the feelings you have by reading past entries will do this
  • Make Lists- Create one list of what you want in your life or create several.  For some time I had a list that defined my Mr. Yummy.  It detailed everything I wanted in a relationship and all the personality and yes, physical traits I wanted him to have.  As most of you know…he waltzed into my world.  I was healthy and open to receiving and I had trained my brain to focus on what I wanted.

So my fabulous Divas…now you have a basic understanding of The Law of Attraction or in my own terms…now you know how to attract yummy into your life!  Think about using the tools I suggested to propel you into a new place.  If it all seems like too much work…remember this- If you keep giving the same, you will keep getting the same.  You are in control of your life.  Why not take control of your mindset?  For me…incorporating these strategies into my life helped me to really open the gates to Yummy.

I would love to hear what you have to say. Please leave your thoughts and comments below.   If you have created a vision board…we would all love to see it.  Please share with us here as well, or simply email it to me at Dabney@DivaCoachDabney.com.  I will post it for you!  For those of you whom have not yet created a Vision Board and would like to, I will be sharing some tips on how to create yours in my next newsletter.  If you have not subscribed to Diva Tips and News on this page, please do so now!  Remember, my newsletter is the place where I will share all exciting news first.

.Have a magnificent day!

Go! Divas! Go!

xoxo

Dabney

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April 13, 2010

The Friendship Divorce

Filed under: Diva Speaks — Tags: , , , — admin @ 4:23 pm

I often speak of divorce…and in most cases, I am speaking of the type of divorce that takes place between a married couple who has ended their marriage.  Today however, I am talking about a different type of divorce….The Friendship Divorce.

Do you have friendship drama?  Do you have relationships with friends that do not support you…lift you up…simply make you feel fabulous?  If so…I ask you this….why do you remain in the relationship?

As women, I believe there is an unwritten code that tells us we must be loyal to a friend…through thick and thin….no matter what…even when the friendship is not doing anything but draining us and sometimes sabotaging us.  Why is that?  We are certainly told in regard to all other relationships to set boundaries…to not tolerate relationships that are unhealthy…and in marriages, divorce is an option.  So, I am here to tell you…sometimes a Friendship Divorce is necessary.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned while going through my divorce experience with Mr. Ex, is that such a dramatic change in my life and in me…lead to a dramatic shift in the friendships I continued to keep.  What I have come to realize through this and many other experiences, is that any dramatic shift within us, will alter the people you attract and keep in your life.  Often, the people who have been there, may not understand or relate to the shift…and in situations such as these, we must reevaluate what is really going on.  Many people will tell us to look inside ourselves for the answer…and believe me, as a Life Coach…I am a very big advocate for doing so.  However, I am also an advocate for action steps and change when a situation is not healthy.

Words spoken by Oprah ring so clearly to me now, “When someone shows you who they really, really are…believe them the very first time”.  As I listen to these words I realize…this is where I and most of you are lacking.  Often behaviors that are unhealthy in a friendship will surface early and we do not want to see them.  Do you really listen the first time?  Are you afraid to admit to yourself when an amazing person you once so admired and confided in has already shown you who she really is…and for whatever reason, you have chosen to ignore the behavior?  If so, ask yourself why.  More importantly, realize that we are responsible for reinforcing and basically training people to treat us a certain way.  By being passive and not setting boundaries…you actually tell that person that it is okay to treat you the way they have been.  Are you training people to treat your poorly?  Are you engaging in a toxic friendship?

Toxic is an extreme word, but the behavior in such relationships is often extreme.  Toxic friends are those who drain you of your energy, are unsupportive, degrading and most importantly unequal in the shared friendship energy.  In comparison, a rewarding and healthy friendship is one in which you feel uplifted, supported, encouraged and the energy is equal.

When any relationship is defined as toxic, the healthiest thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation.  As discussed earlier, you may notice when looking inward…that you have known for some time that nothing you do will change the relationship.  I always support a period of discussion with the toxic friend…setting of boundaries and expression of what you feel is lacking in the friendship and what is it you need.  Often…a short break from the friendship is needed to gain clarity on both sides.  Sometimes…and sadly…a permanent break is needed.  It is what I always say…just as clearing your closet of things that no longer fit you will leave room for more fabulous clothes…clearing your life of friends who hold you back and drain you…will only make room for new and fabulous friends to come into your life.

Over time…friendships change.  I am not saying to simply cut people out of your life without much thought…but really look into your relationships and perhaps you will see one or two that are toxic and need divorcing.  It is like taking a long hot shower and using the most fabulous Diva Scrub….washing away the toxicity in your life.  You may miss these relationships…but you will find that you will shine brighter…just as your skin does following a deep exfoliation.  I promise.

Healthy relationships are like Diva Wings…they support you and give you the power to sparkle and soar.  Don’t clip your wings by hanging onto toxic relationships….Let yourself soar….Go! Divas! Go!

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